Oh, the humanity.


There certainly are more than enough dubious holidays that make their way onto U.S. calendars year after year in perpetuity to give thinking men to pause, even as they take part in all the shenanigans associated with such debauchery.


Columbus Day.

Valentine’s Day.

I could go on.

Sure, on the surface, they’re well-meaning enough, but if you really know the true origins and sordid history of those holidays and others, you may not be so quick to cosign on and join in on all the fun and games.

I could easily write a master’s thesis on each one outlining everything that’s so wrong about the fact we all jump on the bandwagon of willful ignorance in that regard and I could do so without breaking a sweat.

But I’ll leave that territory for bloggers that exist to wax poetic on their digital soapboxes about all of society’s many ills. I’m going to keep it light and pretend I never even mentioned that treacherous trio of tremendous transgressions and go for the low hanging fruit that every every man can grasp:

President’s Day.

Sure, it started out as a respectful, patriotic way to celebrate Abraham Lincoln’s and George Washington’s birthdays together, but it mutated into something even exponentially more egregious – celebrating all of our presidents, even the ones you wouldn’t piss on If they were on fire, burning at your feet.

But it didn’t stop there.

It ended up being just one more avenue for hucksters and con men to hock their wares, with opportunistic sales bathed in patriotic icing to make people who part ways with their disposable income feel like they’re not only getting great deals, they’re also displaying the pride that they have in our forefathers, by golly and, when you think about it, now what could be more American than that?

And then there the fact that President’s Day rides pole position in 12 months of nonstop “one-day-only” sales opportunities masquerading as holidays.

So today as your intelligence is insulted and your common sense is beaten into submission with promises of huge savings on a bunch stuff you really don’t need, under the aegis of giving U.S. President’s their do, rather than actually digging into your wallet this President’s Day, exercise your right to vote no at the cash register for a change.

Now that’s how to truly honor the memory of those dead presidents.


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