The only thing funky a woman wants from you is your moves on the dance floor. So, better stock up on these bad boys.


Even if you’re handsome, witty and charming like yours truly, that will only get you so far if you and olfactory oeuvre are not up to par once you make it back to your place on date night.

TRANSLATION: If your domicile is offensive to the ladies, you may as well go on a blind date with yourself, because you’re more than likely going to end the night that way. Because, honestly, any women you find desirable, unless they have some rare fetish for malodorousness, will want to have nothing to do with you once they get even the slightest whiff of your foul, man funk.

The good news is, you don’t have to subject them to such slovenly stenchorosity. You can defunk your digs without – uh, breaking a sweat.

(Did you see what I did there?)

If Febreze is much too perfumery pleasant to suit your manly mojo, perhaps something more masculine is in order. My go to are scented candles, both for their manly musk and their uncanny resemblance to a certain part of me both in appearance and rigidity. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

Of course the best way to choose the ideal scent for your needs is to sniff before you buy. But if you don’t have time for that, try scents recommended by guys who have successfully procured candles that pass musky muster.

Such as the Diptyque Essence of John Galliano Scented Candle, which you can find online at Amazon and other fine interweb malls. This bad boy smells great, yet does not in any way, shape or form give of a “pretty” aroma. Which is the idea unless you have plans to relinquish your Man Card.

Regardless of what you go with, go with something, or eventually you will end up going without that certain something you hope was waiting for you at the end of a potential randy rendezvous with Mrs. Right Now.


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