Hey, personality tests! Thanks so much for putting a label on me and making me really stand out from the crowd!

If you’re on social media or you’ve ever interviewed for any white collar corporate job, you’ve probably taken more than your share of personality tests. While the kind you’re subjected to ad nauseam on Facebook and other time sucking websites are silly and are really only intended for your mind numbing pleasure, there’s another more insidious variety you may also unfortunately be familiar with. You know the kind. The ones you take to get a job or after you have a job, the ones used to assess your competency and either pigeon hole you based on your skillset, or confirm your employer’s suspicion that they made a mistake in hiring you in the first place. Long story short, these tests are complete bullshit. They’re just another opportunity for the employment overlords to try to convince themselves that the perfect workplace culture can be determined by you’re a bunch of hypothetical questions answers that are fine on paper but are useless in the real world in the context of what people deal with when actual human beings are involved in real life business situations. These tests are a joke, because in order for them to have any semblance of reliability, they would have to be objective and there are just too many unforeseen variables in the real world to come to any reliable basis in fact when using the results of these tests to determine someone’s value to their coworkers and the companies they work for. So, Meyers and Briggs, if you’re reading this, now’s the part where I tell you to take your INFJ and all those other heinous acronyms of yours and shove them straight up your asses.

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