The IRS Ain’t Got Time For That

Sooner or later, it’s going to happen to you. How do I know this? It’s happened to me numerous times. Of course I can only be talking about one thing: That obligatory ubiquitous rite of passage known as fake IRS warnings. You know the kind. The phone calls from area codes and numbers you’ve never seen before. Hell, area codes and numbers even Google has a hard time nailing down. Calls the little voice inside your head tells you not to answer A.) because you don’t recognize them and B.) because you just know from your Spidey senses tingling that whoever it is on the other end of said calls is someone you don’t know and C.) because you’re sure as hell that you don’t WANT to know who’s on the other end of the call. This paranoia turns out to be justified when you listen to the inevitable voicemail message these callers leave, which pretty much boil down to the following: Uncle Sam is suing you for unfiled income tax returns, or for past due taxes you allegedly owe. Now, the first time I got one of these gems, I have to admit I was a little suspicious, but also slightly worried, because what’s scarier than the IRS coming after you, threatening to take you for everything you’re worth? Then common sense and a quick Google search reveal that the IRS would never contact you initially via a phone call. They generate all of their contact with taxpayers (and non-taxpayers for that matter) via snail mail initially and not by phone. Why? Because they ain’t got time for that. And not to sound all xenophobic or anything, but how many actual IRS agents have you spoken to that have thick, monotone, foreign accents? Exactly. So, if you ever get a call or voicemail from the “IRS” and you haven’t been contacted by snail first, ignore it and then block the hell out of them. Because you ain’t got time for that.