How To Execute The Proper Manly Handshake

Doing this the wrong way is one of the fastest ways known to mankind to lose your Man Card. So shake accordingly.

For thousands of years, one of the most important manifestations of masculinity, manhood and manliness has been and continues to be that of the traditional greeting known as the handshake. While an easily understood and innately intuitive concept for the average Manly Man to (pun intended) grasp, some men either don’t know how to properly execute an acceptable handshake or need a refresher course on how to properly greet his fellow man.

Why should you care? Well, do you want people to instantly recognize your lifelong membership in the fraternity of manliness without speaking a word, or would you rather they wonder whether or not you are a limp wristed, closeted serial killer with a penchant for tailoring eerily crispy handmade clothing made out of human skin? Exactly.

And the sad truth of the matter is, wrongly or rightly, a poorly executed handshake can definitely color how the world perceives you, so you best get it right if you know what’s good for you and your reputation. Thankfully, mastering the finer points of hand-to-hand manly verisimilitude is easy. And since we’re all men here, there’s really no need to get fancy.

Of course, there are lots of handshakes beyond the traditional version you use in your daily life, such as those used by downtown hipsters, uptown urbanites and the ever present Illuminati, but never you mind about them. Keep it simple and things should go off without a hitch.

Just follow this easy-to-follow advice: Whenever you find yourself in a situation requiring a handshake – whether planned or impromptu, simply extend your hand to the person you are greeting, give them a firm grip so as to make them keenly aware that they have not in fact made contact with a lifeless animal, look them squarely in the eyes, then kindly release your grip in one swift motion, and then go on about your manly business. That’s really all there is to it.