It can happen to the best of you. Those moments when, due to no fault of your own, you find yourself at a sudden loss of manliness. Maybe it strikes when your significant other has you hold her lady bag for her while she tries on new clothes. Maybe it happens during a chick flick when a drop or some drops of H20 appear from your eyes all of a sudden for no discernible reason. Or perhaps you experience a momentary onset of temporary inmanity where you actually intentionally go “shopping” and worse still – you actually enjoy it. Oh, the humanity. Fortunately, there’s a quick and easy fix to get you back to your sane, manly self in no time. The best way to remedy the problem is to distance yourself from that unmanly behavior by calling upon a trigger that is both visceral and symbolic to recapture the essence of what makes you a manly man. Namely, eating with your hands. And by eating with your hands, I mean eating without utensils. And not just any food. Foods you wouldn’t normally eat sans utensils. Scalding hot soup. Spaghetti with meatballs. Ice cream. Taco meat. You get the idea. Do this whenever the aforementioned symptoms occur and you will be back to your normal manly self in no time. NOTE: For particularly stubborn cases, omit the use of your hands and just use your mouth. If that still doesn’t work, try attacking a pack of rabid wolves head on. Or perhaps a game of grab ass with a school of piranhas. If that doesn’t work, don’t sweat it. It simply means you’re dead, which, come to think of it is a good thing because now you will no longer have to live with the shame of the loss of your manliness.
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