Texting? What is this texting you speak of?

If you’re a guy who wants to maintain his status on the Mantle Of Manliness: No Texting Allowed.

With the following exceptions:

To arrange sex.

To discuss sex you had.

To pursue sex.

To order food. (NOTE: Food must contain meat, preferably bacon.)

To taunt someone in your Fantasy sports league.

To confirm reservations to a steakhouse.

To arrange the movement of a dead body.

To insult someone you work with.

To order tickets online to a Chuck Norris Movies Marathon at your friendly neighborhood multiplex.

To tell questionable and offensive off color jokes.

ADDENDUM: If you text with boxing gloves on or while wielding nunchucks in both hands at the same time, you can text whatever the hell you like, as long as you provide video evidence to support your claim. Otherwise, hand over your Man Card immediately.

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