Nov 27, 2014; Santa Clara, CA, USA; Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman (25) eats a turkey leg after the game against the San Francisco 49ers at Levi's Stadium.The Seahawks defeated the 49ers 19-3 in the Thanksgiving Day game. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports ORG XMIT: USATSI-180368 ORIG FILE ID: 20141127_ter_al2_042.jpg

Sure hope he doesn’t choke on that turkey unlike his teammates did in the Super Bowl.

It matters not how blue your blood is or how serious and determined you are to maintain an air of decorum at all times ­– if you have a spinal chord, there will be times when you will have no recourse other than to go full on Caveman and eat with your hands. If you’re manly, this should be something you embrace with open arms. Especially at meal time. And especially when eating certain kinds of food. Foods that you should avoid at all costs if you’re not ready, willing and able to let you inner Caveman, out. Just so there’s no confusion about what your modus operandi should be in such instances, when such foods are within arm reach, your mission ­– should you choose to accept it, is to abscond from using anything remotely resembling a fork, knife or spoon and grab said foodstuffs with nothing but the dual meat hooks and opposable thumbs dangling so conveniently at the ends of your wrists. And what, pray tell are examples of the kind of victuals that demand your complete and undivided handholding attention? Here’s a list to get you started:





Turkey Legs

Corn On The Cob

Corn Dogs


Pork Rinds

Onion Rings








Lobster Rolls

Of course, there are many more tasty devourables you can and should wrap your grubby man hands around in the act of stuffing your pie hole. Just because they’re not all listed here does not absolve you from your duty to eat them thusly should they ever come within mitt’s reach of you and your ravenous grill. Eat them any other way and your cave dwelling ancestors, wouldn’t merely turn in their graves – they’d give you a well-deserved bitch slap. And rightly so.

Subscribe to get Musings From The Man Cave updates free. You’re welcome.