Too Close For Common Sense

You know it’s not going to end well for this guy if he so much as itches Clint’s face with that razor.

For over 7000 years, man has been engaging in the act of facial hair removal, aka shaving. Since that time, the technology has evolved light years, beginning with sharpened stones that were about as pleasant as licking P16 grade sandpaper, to the precisely engineered, state-of-the art razors of today, which make shaving almost, dare I say, enjoyable.

In fact, shaving has become so refined and perfected that shaving product manufacturers have gone bat shit crazy trying to one up one another to the point of being insulting to our intelligence as men. One blade wasn’t good enough. So, one begot two blades. Two blades weren’t good enough, so two begot three blades. Three blades weren’t good enough, so four begot five.

But wait, there’s more. Now, these greed-mongering hucksters have upped the ante even more by introducing – wait for it… Wait for it… A razor with a pivoting head. All under the aegis of offering us an even closer shaving experience.

To which I say, bullshit. If we shave any closer – we’ll be doing it from the inside out. Don’t get sucked into the same shenanigans that makes you feel as if you won’t be cool enough anymore lest you bum rush your local retailer like a mindless lemming, every time a new smartphone or a new video game console surfaces.

You’re better than that. And the razor blade you already have isn’t far more than just good enough, it’s something your grandfather would have killed for, considering the crappy excuse for blades he dragged across his mug back in the day. Save your disposable income for more important uses. Like new apps and new video games that you don’t need.