Sure this is an exaggeration, but apparently some of you are real dumbasses that need to be beaten upside the head.


Let me first start off by saying that, unless you just jacked a smartphone from a dead guy, after escaping from a North Korean labor camp after taking out 227 prison guards with a single one-inch punch you learned from watching clips of Bruce Lee on YouTube and you’re sending a communique’ requesting an air drop of body bags to tidy up your work space to clear up the smattering of resulting bodies – you shouldn’t be texting in the first place. Not if you call yourself a Manly Man.

Texting is an activity that should be reserved solely for women and tiny mythical woodland creatures. That said, texting while driving should never be done by anyone. PERIOD. And anyone caught doing it, regardless of whether it results in loss of life or limb or not, regardless of gender, should have their driver’s license revoked on the first offense.

On the second, they should have the offending texting hand sawed clean off and mounted on a stick adjacent to the roadway where they committed their heinous act. And while I’m suggesting old-fashioned justice reminiscent of the kind that was meted out back in the old west – or last week in the middle east, the companies that manufacture said phones that make it possible to operate them in moving vehicles of any kind should have 90 days from now to correct the problem, or be shot by a firing squad consisting of the loved ones of people who were killed by assholes who had nothing better to do with their time than text while driving. After all, they’re called “smartphones” right?

So there should be no problem installing hardware in the guts of these phones that is an out of the box component that can detect movement over 20 mph that renders texting impossible at anything over that speed for anyone driving a motorized vehicle of any kind. I know. I know. It’s never going to happen but it should because it’s possible and it’s just good common sense. Of course, the only problem with common sense is, it’s just not that common.


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