Cranial Rectal Inversion Is Not An Option
It’s okay for you to do things your way. It’s okay for you to speak your mind. It’s okay to be opinionated. It’s okay to stand up for what you believe in. It’s okay for you to be yourself. It’s okay for you to do your thing. It’s okay for you to go against the...
Give Yourself A Hand
It matters not how blue your blood is or how serious and determined you are to maintain an air of decorum at all times – if you have a spinal chord, there will be times when you will have no recourse other than to go full on Caveman and eat with your hands. If you’re...
Text Messaging Is Not Manly
If you’re a guy who wants to maintain his status on the Mantle Of Manliness: No Texting Allowed. With the following exceptions: To arrange sex. To discuss sex you had. To pursue sex. To order food. (NOTE: Food must contain meat, preferably bacon.) To taunt someone in...
Bruce, Is That You?
I don’t have any problem with people who have confusion about their gender and their gender identity. Hell, at times, I feel so damn manly, it almost makes me cry that I wasn’t born with three penises. (Now, I ask you, how much fun would THAT be?) How an individual...
Don’t Get Caught With Your Pants Down
If you do now, or if you have ever worn your pants baggy, laggy or saggy in any way, shape, or form – please don’t read this blog anymore and please do not recommend it to anyone else you know. Because there must be some mistake that you even know about this...
The Death Penalty
Many people who are against the death penalty site the fact that it’s not a deterrent. To which I say, it deters the offenders who are put to death from committing their crimes again, does it not?
Reality Shows Suck And They’re Not Manly
The only reality shows a manly man should watch is one involving a playing field, jerseys with numbers on them and scoreboards. If I’ve written about this before, it’s because I can never stress this strongly enough. Get caught watching or talking about any reality...
PC? or Mac?
Mac. End of discussion. Moving on…
Participation Trophies Are For Losers
Never, ever let your child think it’s okay to receive a trophy just for showing up. Sure, if they’re under 10, it’s okay to let your son or daughter accept a trophy. Just don’t ever let them think that accepting a trophy when they don’t place at least in the top 3,...
Manly Erection Rules: Rule Number One
Never waste an erection. Why? You never know when you will no longer be able to produce an erection. When that happens, the last thing you’re going to want to be reminded of, is the time you let one get away from you.
Manly Rites Of Passage: When To Tell A Lie
It’s always a good idea to tell the truth. Except, of course, when it’s a bad idea to tell the truth. Whenever that happens, tell a lie. The truth shall set you free, but a lie shall help you enjoy said freedom.
Manly Rites Of Passage: When To Tell The Truth
Always tell the truth. Except when telling a lie will save you from any unnecessary drama that might be caused by telling the truth. And when you really think about it, isn’t all drama unnecessary? Exactly.
How To Write A Manly Love Letter
Unless you want to lose your mind, or your Man Card – or both, just do what I do: Go to a store. Buy a card. Sign your name under all the flowery words on said card. Place in envelope. Hand envelope to recipient. The end. See how easy that was?
Why Just Hunt When You Can Hunt Like A Manly Man?
If you really want to impress me with your manliness when you hunt, leave your shotgun, crossbow and rifle at home. There’s nothing manly about that. Any panty waist can bring a deer down with that kind of hardware. If you really want to show your wily...
Manly Sports Rules: Rule Number One
Choose a team to love. Choose a team to hate. (You simply cannot have one without the other.) Enjoy. Any questions?
Manly Hot Dog Etiquette
Never leave a partially eaten hotdog. Never hold a hotdog with two hands while you have it in your mouth. And whatever you do, never, ever put catchup on a hotdog. Unless you follow that up by turning your Man Card over to the authorities immediately.
The Curse Of The Buffalo Bills
Dear Buffalo, I hate to tell you this, but your team is cursed. Sure, it may be stating the obvious, but let me just break it down for you anyway. You went to 4 Super Bowls. In a row. And you lost 4 Super Bowls. In a row. So, if you ever make it back to the Super Bowl...
The Manliest Movie Poster Of All Time
There’s no contest. Sure, the posters for Scarface, Goodfellas, The Godfather and Independence Day were manly, but the manliest ever? No contest: the poster for Predator 2. It just doesn’t get manlier than that. In fact, just looking at that thing may make hair grow –...