What Men Are Really Thinking
Dear Women: I know you really want to know “what men are thinking”. Well, I’m going to tell you. What we’re thinking is, that if we really wanted you to know what we’re thinking, we would tell you without you having to ask what we’re thinking. The End. You’re...
How To Shop Like A Manly Man
Step 1. Always remember that Manly Men do not in fact “go shopping”. Manly men go buying. If you think the two are synonymous, take a wild guess what time it is. (If you guessed time to hand over your Man Card, you are correct.) Step 2. See step 1. The End....
Embrace Your Manliness
Nothing should give you greater pride than your inherent Manliness. Nothing. Not that overpriced undersized import you drive. Not all that hardware you have in your trophy case that proves you really were the B.M.O.C back in the day. Not that little black book...
Maintain Your Manliness
Some men need to keep a close watch on their manliness, so as not to backslide to the point at which their manliness is no longer evident. Or nonexistent. Trust me, it happens to the best of you. This can be brought on by many things. Things such as: Being relegated...
When To Be Manly
You should be manly every waking moment. And if you can manage it, every sleeping moment, too. The. End.
How To Overcome Momentary Lapses Of Manliness
It can happen to the best of you. Those moments when, due to no fault of your own, you find yourself at a sudden loss of manliness. Maybe it strikes when your significant other has you hold her lady bag for her while she tries on new clothes. Maybe it happens during...
When To Act Manly
When should you act manly? Never. Your manliness should never be an act. With one exception: If you are an actor playing a part which calls for you to act manly, then and only then are you allowed to pretend to act like you have a pair even if you don’t in...
Unequal Pay For Equal Work? Really?
Let’s just get right to the point, shall we? Yes we shall. Plain and simple, the point is this: Any woman who is hired to do the same job that a man does should earn EXACTLY the same money as a man does for doing the same job. PERIOD. It’s 2015, people. This...
Texting Is Not Manly: Especially While Driving
Let me first start off by saying that, unless you just jacked a smartphone from a dead guy, after escaping from a North Korean labor camp after taking out 227 prison guards with a single one-inch punch you learned from watching clips of Bruce Lee on YouTube and...
Just Say No To Selfies
Men: The next time you get the sudden urge to take a picture of yourself, aka a “selfie”, do yourself and everyone else who has a pair a favor – don’t. Because on the manliness scale, you are about to commit a serious breach of all that is manly. So, if you...
Good For You vs. Just Plain Good
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always viewed food as, imagine this, something to be enjoyed. Something that should bring pleasure. Something to look forward to. That’s why, for the life of me, I can not understand why people will sacrifice taste and pleasure...
Hair Brained Schemes
Men, I’m going to keep this short and sweet. For some reason, some of you are still not getting the message that your real hair, however little you have of it on your dome, is exponentially preferable to anything that you might attach to it that doesn’t look...
Too Close For Common Sense
For over 7000 years, man has been engaging in the act of facial hair removal, aka shaving. Since that time, the technology has evolved light years, beginning with sharpened stones that were about as pleasant as licking P16 grade sandpaper, to the precisely...
Voting Is Manliness In Action
Newsflash: If you don’t vote, you’re inherently unmanly. That’s akin to not being able to summon the strength and fortitude to speak your mind. Voting, on the other hand is very symbolic of speaking your mind which is inherently, exceptionally manly. Not to...
Nothing In Life Is Free
It’ll be Halloween in a few nights and as such, I’m reminded how poorly of a job our generation is doing of raising the next. What I’m referring to, is how kids of this generation seem to be oblivious to etiquette and manners and respect. It’s like they...
Metrosexuality: Manly? Or not Manly?
If you’ve ever wondered if an openly metrosexual man can be a manly man, please allow me to clear things up for you right here and right now. I'll just put it to you this way: No. Negativo. Nein. Nyet. Now that we have that out of the way, sure, I could wax poetically...
Exposing Innocents To Ebola Isn’t Manly
Dear Healthcare Workers: If you don't want to be quarantined for 21 days after leaving the country to treat Ebola patients, here’s a suggestion: don't leave the country to treat Ebola patients. The prospect of facing quarantine should be a part of your decision making...
A Manumental Man Cave Manifesto
Ask any man fortunate enough to have a man cave, and he’ll surely tell you that his is one of his most valued possessions in life. After all, a man cave is one of the few remaining places on earth where a man can really let loose and be himself on his own terms. It’s...